Josh’s Random Non-Sense!

The answer to this question?
Everything.

I’m completely lost now. About two weeks ago (more or less) my dad and I managed to get into another major quarrel and because I’m just not in the mood to go over every single little detail right now I’m just going to give you all the “small” version.

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I become bored the longer I sit here, just waiting. For what you ask? Well … for my b-e-a-utiful Julie! (duh) I came over to her house today after school today, but she had dance at 6pm … so I thought that I’d just wait for her to get back home … because I definitely didn’t get to spend enough time with her, and she’ll be at dance tomorrow as well ☹
To pass the time, I went to Sonic and got me one of those chicken toaster sandwiches and a M&M blast. They were yummy. I’m kind of glad that I brought my PowerBook to school today (for engineering) … because otherwise, I would be overly bored out of my mind right now. I’ve been sitting in my car for the past two hours! She said that it would end at about 7 or 7:30 … on both accounts she was wrong ☹
I miss my Julie!

So yesterday on the way home from school I was just driving on the interstate, minding my business … and then I saw something fly by my window and bang into my door. I was like “what the crap!?!” Then after a few seconds of trying to figure out what exactly it was that hit my door, I figured it out. As I looked over in my side mirror to see if I could tell if there was any marks on my door … I realized that IT WASN’T THERE ANYMORE! I thought that I was going crazy for a second. I did one of those double-take thingies … I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to be able to do about it. Of course I need a new mirror, but how does one get a new one (without paying an arm and a leg)? Can I just glue it on? Cuz I know that there weren’t any screws going through it …
Weird.

I’m not sure how much longer my butt can take the sitting and waiting. I kinda want to go home, but then at the same time I’d much rather be here instead (even though Julie isn’t here). I know that she’ll get sad if I leave, but I don’t know much longer I can stay with or without her. Poo.

I think the preliminaries for the assault case begin tomorrow. That should be interesting. And I’ve recently found out that I will, in fact, have to go on the stand and do all that crap. My dad and the D.A. said that I really shouldn’t have to (about 2 weeks ago). This whole thing continually makes me insanely MAD! It feels like I’m getting punished much more than he is, when he left without any pain (emotional, physical, mental, etc.). How is this fair? Oh wait, that’s right … IT’S NOT!
I hope that something will be accomplished tomorrow … in my mind, accomplishing anything just means that people don’t harp on the fact that I touched his backpack (because obviously that calls for an insane reaction and blood). Will justice ever be achieved in my mind? I doubt it. The only way I think I’ll be happy (as happy as I can get) is for me to be able to be exempt from my exams. I’m really not supposed to be talking about that, but at this point I don’t see how it can hurt anything … especially when they have no intentions on actually helping me out in that situation. All they said was, “just keep doing what you’re doing, Josh.” (referring to my grades and attendance). My only response to that was, “Why?” Obviously it doesn’t make a difference at this point, now does it?

Well I’m getting tired of typing, and I think that I’m about to call Julie and leave her a message apologizing for leaving … but it’s 8:07pm … and I need to get home …
Adios all,
-Josh

So Winter Break is almost over and I wish that it would last forever (don’t we all). These past couple of weeks have been very hard on me. Most of the time I’m so stressed out about everything that it tends to transfer in places where it shouldn’t. Sometimes part of this goes toward either my mom or my dad, and other times it transfers to Julie. I hate this more than I hate anything else in life. Sometimes I just end up losing control entirely and just let loose. I just get so depressed sometimes that I don’t feel like living anymore, I just don’t know what to do. My actions tend to suprise me sometimes; it’s really weird. A lot of times I really just don’t know how to explain what I mean by saying this. A lot of times I don’t really think that anyone will care, and if they do I won’t be able to properly tell them what I mean by it. Honestly, I don’t even know what to type. I don’t know how to tell anyone. Many times I just get so angry at myself for what I do, for the actions I make.
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So … after longs amounts of conversations with everyone (family and friends) … things have gotten better. My dad gave me an ulimatum … i had to choose by last night where I was going to stay (with him or my mom). That put a lot of stress on me (more than before, if that’s possible). After a lot of thought … a lot of crying … and a lot of helpful hugs (curtosey of juuulie) … I made a decision. If I stayed with my dad, I couldn’t go back to my mom’s house (to live) because of child support reasons (it’s difficult to explain) … and if I went back to my mom’s house, it would kill my dad emotionally (not to mention my mom would never truly forgive me). So … I chose to stay with my dad. It’s only about 9 months, at the most. It’ll be hard to accept the changes … and what has happened … and what all I did and said … and how much it hurt me and everyone around me … but now (hopefully) it’s over (for the most part).

My dad (along with my grandfather) is going to work on getting me a better car. The transmission on it is starting to die … and leaking fluid faster than ever before. It’s becoming a risk to drive … and it’s no longer “dependable.” The check engine soon light is on now … it won’t go away.

Thanks for all the talks and hugs and help. It has truly helped calm me (I’ve never cried so hard :’( …)

-josie poo

PS.

I finally uploaded the pictures from Halloween … here are some of my favorites:

THE MYSTERY GANG

go see some (more…)

So last night I was talking about Ayman … and how much of a jerk and butthead he is …
During Engineering today … Mr. Madison was calling groups to the other part of the room and when all but me (cuz no one from my group was here today) and his … he walks up to me. I was pondering the purpose for his unwanted visit, but couldn’t think of anything other than him trying to get to the window? But of course, I was wrong. Ayman came right up next to me … and then smiled for a few seconds. He then put his arms around my head and “hugged” it. I was very very perplexed. After this quite strange moment of awkwardness was over he said, “I just remembered that I haven’t hugged your head in a while.” I replied with, “… or ever.” He laughed and replied with “Huh, I guess not,” and walked back to his seat.
He seemed completely different … in the 10 seconds that this took place it made me see a whole new person; a non-jerky one. I’m not sure, but I’d like to think he was sincere. Regardless, it was strange … but I guess in a good way.
It seems whenever I feel like I know something is absolute, God shows me how wrong I am. Life is tricky like that.

So Saturday is Julie and I’s SIX MONTH Anniversary! Not exactly sure what I’m gonnna do … or maybe I am and just don’t want to disclose such surprisical things. Wish me good luck on my ventures. I LOVE YOU JULIE!

well that is all for now,
-joshie poo

So Friday, Julie and I went to O’ Charley’s and to the movie Just Like Heaven … it was good … I laughed … she almost cried. Saturday I played tennis with Guy and Julie and her friend Audrey came along with us … it was fun … we played doubles (me and Guy) with John Bagget and his brother. Today Julie and I went shopping and whatnot … got some cool clothes and a belt that actually fits.
I’ve got plent of AP Physics homework to do tonight … so I better get started soon … Although we do have a work-day tomorrow …
I’ve gotta get a comic ready for Dan … Guy showed him one and Dan said that he would put it in the school paper … so I gotta get that all prettied up and stuff

I’ve not got much else to say … life’s been really great these past few days … hope it stays like that

adios,
-josh